aaaand we're back

After a looooong weekend of self-pity, I've finally found my way back to the surface. I am a terribly emotional person. I'm not sensitive--meaning: I don't get offended easily or cry for no reason. But there are certain things and people in my life that are very important to me and when those things or persons are threatened, I lose it. This weekend I felt as those my law school aspirations and my relationship were on shaky ground. And I cried. For days. I didn't eat or sleep or shower ( hawt right?) For the the entire weekend. I went home to see my mom. I also went to my father's house, because he was feeling pretty low himself. And I tried so hard to let go of all those feelings of loss and anxiety. At 6 am I jumped out of bed and threw some sweats on and drove an hour (from my mom's house) to LoMu's apartment. Luckily, he heard his phone ringing and buzzed me into his apartment. And I cried and he held me and I apologized and he consoled me and forgave me for being such an emotional wreck. And we fell asleep. And when I woke up, it was all better. You see, blogosphere, that is why I love this man. He is the single best thing in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my own life and my priorities are set, but he gives me the strength and courage to pursue my dreams. He has my best interests in mind, and I would give anything just to make sure that he is safe and happy.

LoMu's birthday is on tuesday but we're celebrating both tomorrow and tuesday. I'm excited to spend this time with him and to spoil him with food, liquor and presents. I will not post again until Wednesday or Thursday. And then not again until after the Inauguration. Hopefully, I'll have lots of pictures for you all.


Abrazos y besos,

Loco.

Somethings Missing

"I'm not alone, I wish I was/Cause then I'd know, I was down because/I couldn't find, a friend around/To love me like, they do right now." - John Mayer "Somethings Missing"

Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I wish I could write a happy post about all the fun I'm having and all the good things going on in my life. But I'm at a real low right now. And no matter how much I try to push through it, I just can't get out of this rut. Without going too deep into detail, I found out today that my school basically screwed me out of $10,000. Money that I desperately needed to cover my living expenses for this semester. So chances are, I'll have to move back home to my mom's house and commute back and forth every day for the rest of the semester. This is not good. Not good at all. My mom and I barely get along and she lives really fucking far from my school. No, there is no housing for grad students.

To top it off, LoMu and I have been getting into stupid little arguments. About nothing. And I wish he was here for me more. I know that's selfish. He works and all that. But damnit, I'm slowly slipping into a weird spontaneous depression and when I need him to just love me, he's telling me to get over it. I know he loves me but sometimes I just need to hear it, repeatedly. I sound like such a baby but right now I just want to be comforted. And he's not here. And I feel like shit. I'm sorry blogosphere. For being "uh oh" loco and not "jaja" loco. But I've never been good and faking it.


Hopefully I'll be feeling better in a few days.

Abrazos y besos,
Loco.

Prom Queen

Last night, right before bed, LoMu looked at me and said " Loco, I want to give you a ring." Now, if you've been paying attention, you'll know that I have been thinking about us getting engaged for some time now. So to hear him actually say something about 'rings' in a serious tone was exciting.

"Oh really?" I asked, trying to seem completely unfazed.

"Yeah, you know, like a promise ring..." He responded.

My ego fizzled. A promise ring? Aren't we a few years too many past Prom for promise rings?

I don't know, I could be wrong. One of Sano's coworkers and her boyfriend exchanged promise rings and they're damn near middle-aged. I thought it was an incredibly stupid idea. Still do.



Abrazos y Besos,

Loco.

This is What I Mean By Loco.

So, as many of you know, I have this wonderful man (who you all know as LoMu). He looks something like this (note: this is NOT him, its a just a man who looks like him IMO):
Here's an actual picture of him, just so you know I'm not foolin':





Yum.

Anywho, we've known each for something like eight years. We met when he was "talking to" my best friend's younger sister in Middle School. We became very, very good friends and ended up dating in high school. Sadly, I was a scandalous vixen and broke up with him after a blissful 3 months ( yeah right, he was away at boarding school almost the whole time). I went off to college and when I graduated in May, we rekindled the flame. I lurve him.

We recently just started talking about getting engaged. He already refers to me as his "espousa" when he introduces me to friends. And almost every morning when we wake up, he asks him to marry him. Its his way of saying I love you. But its got me thinking. Why not just get engaged now?

I don't know any engaged people. I'm at that age where most of my friends are thinking about it, but haven't met the one or just plain not ready, so it feels a little weird to be thinking about all of this. But, I have found the one (again, hah) and I am ready. As there has not been an official proposal, all of my research has been done in super secret Loco fashion, I don't want LoMu feeling "the pressure", as he likes to call anything that I ask him to do before he's ready to.

This is what I want my ring to look like:
Since I'm in Law School and he's taking some time off from College, we don't have the money for anything extravagant. I found this ring on the Zales website for a super low, affordable price. And its gorgeous. Exactly my taste. The "P.P.F" engraved in band stands for "Past. Present. Future." How perfect? Loves it.

Oh, I also started a profile on the wedding planning website The Knot. If you're engaged or plan to be engaged, its definitely worth a look-see. Its extremely cute and gives you a lot of information in a non-overwhelming fashion. Loves it.

Anyway, I found this dress while looking on that website and its a good idea of what I'd like in a wedding dress:



Let's be honest. I look nothing like this model. I'm a voluptuous, big booty-ed young lady. But I have toned arms, a flat stomach, and a stunning decolletage *snort* I'm so f*cking pretensious for using that word in a sentence. But anyways, I think something like this would be classy but sexy on me. Loves it.

But anyway, thats as far as I've gotten. All this wedding stuff is mildly boring and sort of pointless right now. But I do it anyway. Because that is me. And you love it.


Abrazos y besos,

Loco.

p.s. try not to get use to this frequent posting thing. I'm just bored right now.

Ol' Loco and the Entire Loco Clan

Christmas with my family is always interesting. This year it was quiet and easy. A rarity. My parents are divorced but they live down the street from each other. Literally. My oldest brother, LoBro #1, lives with my mom. He has since he left College four or five years ago. My other brother, LoBro #2 is married with a son, Lil Loco. I love my nephew. He's possibly one of the most important people in my life. Lil Loco's mom, my sister in law, was my brother's highschool sweetheart. They reconnected after a year away at school and Lil Loco happened. So LoBro #2 put college on hold and decided to be a family man. Me and him have our issues, but I'm proud of him, he's doing his best.

Anywho, my dad, Papa Loco, invited himself over for Christmas breakfast and dinner. He stayed long enough to sallow his food. Me and my dad have never really gotten along. More on that later.

LoBro #1 spent the entire day in his room. But that's normal for him. He's extremely anti-social and introverted. But he's a sweetheart when you really get to know him.

LoBro #2 came over after dinner with Lil Loco. He's the only person Ol' Loco bought presents for this year. That's fine. Thats the way it should be. We had our time. But Ol' Loco is ridic. She bought him a 19" Flat Screen TV/ DVD combo. He's 2.5. He's not even potty trained yet but he has a nicer TV than I do. I'm bitter.

I slept in today. I stayed up late watching HBO On Demand and talking to LoMu on the phone. I love him so much. He needs a better job though, one that doesn't require him to work on every major holiday.

It was a good day. I haven't really been filled with Christmas cheer this year. Not that anything bad has happened, its just been a trying year. I'm sure you all can relate in some way or another. But today was decent. Now, I'm going to drive 45 minutes back to my apartment in the City, crack open my Jim Beam and wait for my man. Till tomorrow.


Abrazos y besos,
Loco.

The "Classic" First Post

I wanted to call my blog: "My Mom Thinks I Make Horrible Decisions-But I Call It Living". But that was just entirely too long. So I figured I'd just stick to the important part. Because although my mom DOES think I'm the world's worst decision maker, it doesn't really bother me. I know-- in the end-- I will be wiser for it. That's if I survive it.

I have to admit, I'm not sure what I want this blog to be. Or even what I want it to be about. But right now I feel like there is so much "grey area" or uncertainty in my life. And no one else seems to understand. So if you stumble across this blog, I hope that you can understand that I'm just not sure yet, but hopefully this will shape itself.

With that said.

About three years ago, I decided to go to Law School. I don't remember why, or what prompted this decision. But it seemed like the right one to make at the time. I mean, my mom (from here on she will be known as Ol' Loco) even agreed with it, how could I possibly go wrong? At the time I was a Sophomore in college. I attended small liberal arts college in Massachusetts. I had just quit the basketball team and was experiencing myself, as a student without the "athlete" attached for the very first time. And I decided that I wanted to be a Lawyer.

Fast forward to 2008.

I graduated from college, somewhere in the middle of my class, and was accepted to a tier 1 law school, that -- like me-- is ranked somewhere in the middle.

I didn't care though, I was in Law School and I was back in the city of my birth. And that's all that mattered to me, regardless of what my well-meaning but completely overbearing mother ( and aunt) believed. Right now, I'm halfway through my first year. And its been pretty un-nerving. Not only because its really hard and exhausting, but because being out of college and preparing for a career have forced me to think about my future, in frightening detail.

Let's be honest. I was, and somwhat still am, a party girl. I like to get glammed up, go out and get a little tipsy and party wth my friends. Atleast, thats who I was three-four months ago. Recently, I've been a relative homebody, managing to get out atleast once a week to down whiskey sours and have awkward run-ins with old highschool friends. I live with my ex-girlfriend. Yes, you read correctly. My ex-GIRLfriend. But I wouldn't say I'm gay, just sexually uninhibited. Plus love chooses us. We don't choose it. We'll call her "Sano". Because she could not deal with my insane locosity. We broke up about a month ago but have remained friends and roommates. Shortly "after" (this in quotes because I have a habit of "hedging my bets/ overlapping" when ending a relationship, so by after I mean during. Sorry Sano. My heart wants what it wants) I rekindled a romance with my best friend and high school sweetheart. We'll just call him Loco Muchacho or "LoMu" for short. Its really frightening when you realize that " the One" was right there all along. More on him and the perfect union that is "us", later.

I'm unemployed and sick of school already, but madly in love and looking forward to whatever life brings my way. In extra loco fashion, as it usually does.
Hate to be a tease but I'm going to wrap this up because its almost Christmas and I'm at my Mom's house. If I find the time, I'll post more tomorrow. Stay tuned for post 1.5.

Abrazos y besos,
Loco.