Lion and Lamb Locosity

I know, I know.

It's been a while. But I have a very, VERY good reason.

A few weeks back, I made the mistake of seeing the movie "Twilight". I was late on the uptake. I had been vaguely aware of the whole Twilight mania that was simmering somewhere just South of the mainstream radar, when the first book was published back in '05. At that time, the idead of a Romeo&Juliet flavored love story that involved Vampires seemed so utterly absurd to me. I ticked it off my list as another Harry Potter. I was never a huge fan of the franchise. It just never appealed to me. Even after the mania reached its peak, and the movie was released, I resisted the barely apparent urge to go see it. It simply happened on a whim, I had nothing else to do. I was resigned to leaving the theater feeling duped and ashamed for having sat through an hour and a half or more of its stupidity.


But, I am secure enough to admit when I am wrong.

I saw the movie, and suddenly I became instantly obsessed. I needed- no- I HAD to know more. I had to know EVERYTHING that happened between Edward and Bella. I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with their story.

....


Don't gag yet, I borrowed that last line.

The point is, I have never been a fan of anything romantic in the least. So it was startling and unnerving to me, to find my self so engrossed in either the movie or the books. And I didn't care.

So... as any obsessed fan would do: I got all four books. And read them. One after the other. As soon as I finished the last page of one book, I was on to the next. I paused only to sleep, sometimes not even that. I ate when the hunger became too much and I couldn't focus anymore. Did I mention that my second semester has started back already and I've already had one Legal Rhetoric assignment due? Yeah.

I finished the last book early this morning at my boyfriends house. I lay on the bed with tears in my eyes and fell asleep before I even knew I was tired. When I woke up, I was sad. I was honest to God, SAD that the series was over...That there was nothing more for me to read. So I scoured the internet for hours. Looking for anything, something, related to the Twilight Saga. I devoured of article, review, or interview involving anyone even remotely connected to either the movie or the actual books. Like a fiend, I read every outtake or extra that Stephenie Meyer had posted on her website. I visited all of the actor's fansites and became an instant fan of all of them. Not to parody the novels, but I had an insaitiable thirst. And none of this seemed to quench it. So, I watched the movie again. I feel asleep on it, and when I woke up, I restarted it. That was about the 12th time I'd watched it. Right now, as I type this blog post, I'm listening to the soundtrack.

*as an aside, I hope you realize that I can be completely honest about this whole thing because of the fact that my blog is anonymous -- to a certain extent. Only my closest friends or my bf would be able to identify me from these posts.*


Anyways, while I was taking a much need shower, I started thinking about all of this. This weird episode I was beginning to recover from. Why had I, the worlds most unromantic person ever, become to enthralled in a sci-fi love story. It seemed just as absurd as I had originally considered the series. And then it occurred to me: my life was strikingly different from what it was in 2005. Four years ago, I was deeply unhappy and incredibly lonely. The memory still causes me a faint pain, somewhere between my heart and my rib cage. Four years ago, I had anxiety attacks whenever I stopped to consider the path my life was taking. Sure I was in college, a good college at that. But I was desperately unhappy and engaging in a variety of reckless activities. I wasn't so much self-destructive as I was in need of a great distraction. Something to drown out that dull murmur of discontent. I tried everything from men - lots of men- to alcohol and drugs. And as soon as the high wore off, or the afterglow faded, I felt as though I had falled deeper. Everything seemed darker. Romance novels definitely had no place in my world. They were too painful.

But now, years later, my life couldn't be more different. Despite the fact that I'm four years older, I'm also pursuing my J.D. and doing it quite well. And, I am in love with someone who has seen me at my worst and still accepted me with open arms. This was the change that allowed me to appreciate these novels.

Much like Bella felt a certain kindship to the characters in Wuthering Heights, I felt as though I understood their story on the deepest of levels. I could grasp the immensity of their profound and impossible love, because I had someone in my life that I am also willing to die for. Someone who I would probably die without.


This realization has allowed me to release some of the fixation. Not completely. But enough so that I can once again function. I had to write this post because I felt as if I would explode if I didn't document this somewhere.

The "Classic" First Post

I wanted to call my blog: "My Mom Thinks I Make Horrible Decisions-But I Call It Living". But that was just entirely too long. So I figured I'd just stick to the important part. Because although my mom DOES think I'm the world's worst decision maker, it doesn't really bother me. I know-- in the end-- I will be wiser for it. That's if I survive it.

I have to admit, I'm not sure what I want this blog to be. Or even what I want it to be about. But right now I feel like there is so much "grey area" or uncertainty in my life. And no one else seems to understand. So if you stumble across this blog, I hope that you can understand that I'm just not sure yet, but hopefully this will shape itself.

With that said.

About three years ago, I decided to go to Law School. I don't remember why, or what prompted this decision. But it seemed like the right one to make at the time. I mean, my mom (from here on she will be known as Ol' Loco) even agreed with it, how could I possibly go wrong? At the time I was a Sophomore in college. I attended small liberal arts college in Massachusetts. I had just quit the basketball team and was experiencing myself, as a student without the "athlete" attached for the very first time. And I decided that I wanted to be a Lawyer.

Fast forward to 2008.

I graduated from college, somewhere in the middle of my class, and was accepted to a tier 1 law school, that -- like me-- is ranked somewhere in the middle.

I didn't care though, I was in Law School and I was back in the city of my birth. And that's all that mattered to me, regardless of what my well-meaning but completely overbearing mother ( and aunt) believed. Right now, I'm halfway through my first year. And its been pretty un-nerving. Not only because its really hard and exhausting, but because being out of college and preparing for a career have forced me to think about my future, in frightening detail.

Let's be honest. I was, and somwhat still am, a party girl. I like to get glammed up, go out and get a little tipsy and party wth my friends. Atleast, thats who I was three-four months ago. Recently, I've been a relative homebody, managing to get out atleast once a week to down whiskey sours and have awkward run-ins with old highschool friends. I live with my ex-girlfriend. Yes, you read correctly. My ex-GIRLfriend. But I wouldn't say I'm gay, just sexually uninhibited. Plus love chooses us. We don't choose it. We'll call her "Sano". Because she could not deal with my insane locosity. We broke up about a month ago but have remained friends and roommates. Shortly "after" (this in quotes because I have a habit of "hedging my bets/ overlapping" when ending a relationship, so by after I mean during. Sorry Sano. My heart wants what it wants) I rekindled a romance with my best friend and high school sweetheart. We'll just call him Loco Muchacho or "LoMu" for short. Its really frightening when you realize that " the One" was right there all along. More on him and the perfect union that is "us", later.

I'm unemployed and sick of school already, but madly in love and looking forward to whatever life brings my way. In extra loco fashion, as it usually does.
Hate to be a tease but I'm going to wrap this up because its almost Christmas and I'm at my Mom's house. If I find the time, I'll post more tomorrow. Stay tuned for post 1.5.

Abrazos y besos,
Loco.